By Benjamin GroffMedia© | benandsteve.com | 2025 Truth Endures©
The Ring of Fire
If there was one thing Arizona didn’t need more of, it was heat.
But if there was one thing Arizonans couldn’t resist, it was a challenge.
Influencer Lacey Blu—a 24-year-old “solar chef” with 1.2 million followers and zero life experience—announced she’d be filming a bacon-cooking demonstration. Doing so on the hood of her Tesla at high noon. Trooper Buck Milford knew it was going to be a long day. Especially since Teslas were along way off from being invented.
“Cooking with the sun is so sustainable,”
she chirped into her phone.
“And so am I! #SizzleWithLace #SolarSnackQueen”
She parked off Highway 85 near a dead saguaro. She laid out her cookware—an iron skillet, three strips of thick-cut hickory bacon, and a side of emotional entitlement.
Buck arrived just as the bacon began to curl. He was curious about the cell phone since those too were new to this century. They were at least twenty five years from being even a brick phone.
“I’m gonna need you to step away from the car, ma’am,”
he said, tipping his hat.
“It’s 119 degrees, and your bacon grease just started a brush fire the size of a toddler’s birthday party.”
Lacey didn’t look up.
“Sir, this is my content.”
Behind her, a small flame began creeping across the sand toward a long-abandoned outhouse that somehow also caught fire. A confused jackrabbit ran out holding what looked like a burning flyer for a 1997 monster truck rally.
“Content’s one thing,”
Buck said, reaching for his fire extinguisher,
“but that yucca plant’s fixin’ to blow like a Roman candle.”
Just then, Carl Sandlin appeared on an electric scooter with a garden hose coiled like a lasso.
“I saw the smoke!”
he cried.
“Is it aliens again? Or someone makin’ fajitas?”
Buck didn’t answer. He was too busy putting out the bacon blaze while Lacey livestreamed the whole thing.
“Look, everyone!”
she squealed to her followers.
“This is Officer Cowboy. He’s putting out the fire I started! So heroic!”
Carl joined in, spraying more bystanders than actual flames.
“We got trouble, Buck! The beagle crickets are back. They were hummin’ ‘Jailhouse Rock’ this time!”
Buck finished dousing the car. He shook the foam off his arms. He wiped a trail of sweat from his forehead. It had been working its way toward his belt buckle since 10 a.m.
“Well, Carl, if the crickets are Elvis fans now, we’re all in trouble.”
The bacon was ruined. The hood of the Tesla had buckled like a soda can. And the only thing Lacey cared about was that the foam had splattered her ring light.
“You just cost me a brand deal!”
she snapped at Buck.
“I was working with MapleFix! It’s the official bacon of heatwave influencers!”
Buck gave her a long, flat stare.
“You can mail your complaints to the Arizona Department of Common Sense.”
That night, the local paper ran the headline:
INFLUENCER IGNITES BACON BLAZE; TROOPER BUCK SAVES CACTUS AND PRIDE
— Saguaro Sentinel, pg. 3 next to coupon for 2-for-1 tarpaulin boots.
The Mexican beagle crickets showed up that night, as always. This time, they hummed Ring of Fire.
benandsteve.com 