The Great Name-Calling Open
The morning was sunny on the golf course. A group of doctors noticed a team of nurses playing a round a few holes over. One of the doctors cupped his hands and hollered across the fairway:
“Hey! When you walked by the gate, the watchdog said WOOF! WOOF!”
The nurses froze, glaring back. One of them raised her club like a microphone and shouted,
“Oh yeah? When you all walked by the pond, the ducks went QUACK! QUACK!”
The golf course grew quiet. A couple of retirees nearby peeked out of their carts to see what the commotion was. The trash talk had officially begun.
Just then, a police officer—off duty but still in uniform for reasons only he knew—wandered up and added his grievance.
“That’s nothing! I went into a restaurant today and a bunch of teenagers started going OINK! OINK! OINK! at me!”
Back in the day, the slur was meant to show resentment toward police officers by labeling them as pigs. Still, many officers suggested it represented [Pride Integrity and Guts]!
The doctors and nurses nodded sympathetically, but before long they were all laughing. It seemed no profession was safe from ridicule.
“Well,” said one of the nurses, grinning. “If we’re going to keep score, I went to a rock concert last week. The singer stopped mid-song, pointed straight at the crowd, and called us every name in the book. I felt like I’d paid extra for the insults.”
By now, the golfers had abandoned their shots. The officer had parked his cart. The conversation had spiraled into a full-blown “who got called what” competition. Farmers chimed in about “moo” jokes. Teachers griped about “boring” chants. A barber also complained about being called “clip-clop” at the horse races.
The sun dipped lower, balls went unhit, and nobody remembered the score of the game. One thing was certain: the Great Name-Calling Open had been played on that course. Every profession—dog, duck, pig, or otherwise—walked away laughing.
By Benjamin GroffMedia© | benandsteve.com | 2025
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