By Benjamin GroffMediaยฉ | benandsteve.com | 2025 Truth Enduresยฉ
The Ring of Fire
If there was one thing Arizona didnโt need more of, it was heat.
But if there was one thing Arizonans couldnโt resist, it was a challenge.
Influencer Lacey Bluโa 24-year-old โsolar chefโ with 1.2 million followers and zero life experienceโannounced sheโd be filming a bacon-cooking demonstration. Doing so on the hood of her Tesla at high noon. Trooper Buck Milford knew it was going to be a long day. Especially since Teslas were along way off from being invented.

โCooking with the sun isย soย sustainable,โ
she chirped into her phone.
โAnd so am I! #SizzleWithLace #SolarSnackQueenโ
She parked off Highway 85 near a dead saguaro. She laid out her cookwareโan iron skillet, three strips of thick-cut hickory bacon, and a side of emotional entitlement.
Buck arrived just as the bacon began to curl. He was curious about the cell phone since those too were new to this century. They were at least twenty five years from being even a brick phone.
โIโm gonna need you to step away from the car, maโam,โ
he said, tipping his hat.
โItโs 119 degrees, and your bacon grease just started a brush fire the size of a toddlerโs birthday party.โ
Lacey didnโt look up.
โSir, this is my content.โ
Behind her, a small flame began creeping across the sand toward a long-abandoned outhouse that somehow also caught fire. A confused jackrabbit ran out holding what looked like a burning flyer for a 1997 monster truck rally.
โContentโs one thing,โ
Buck said, reaching for his fire extinguisher,
โbut that yucca plantโs fixinโ to blow like a Roman candle.โ
Just then, Carl Sandlin appeared on an electric scooter with a garden hose coiled like a lasso.
โI saw the smoke!โ
he cried.
โIs it aliens again? Or someone makinโ fajitas?โ
Buck didnโt answer. He was too busy putting out the bacon blaze while Lacey livestreamed the whole thing.
โLook, everyone!โ
she squealed to her followers.
โThis is Officer Cowboy. Heโs putting out the fire I started! So heroic!โ
Carl joined in, spraying more bystanders than actual flames.
โWe got trouble, Buck! The beagle crickets are back. They were humminโ โJailhouse Rockโ this time!โ
Buck finished dousing the car. He shook the foam off his arms. He wiped a trail of sweat from his forehead. It had been working its way toward his belt buckle since 10 a.m.
โWell, Carl, if the crickets are Elvis fans now, weโre all in trouble.โ
The bacon was ruined. The hood of the Tesla had buckled like a soda can. And the only thing Lacey cared about was that the foam had splattered her ring light.
โYou just cost me a brand deal!โ
she snapped at Buck.
โI was working withย MapleFix! Itโs the official bacon of heatwave influencers!โ
Buck gave her a long, flat stare.
โYou can mail your complaints to the Arizona Department of Common Sense.โ
That night, the local paper ran the headline:
INFLUENCER IGNITES BACON BLAZE; TROOPER BUCK SAVES CACTUS AND PRIDE
โ Saguaro Sentinel, pg. 3 next to coupon for 2-for-1 tarpaulin boots.
The Mexican beagle crickets showed up that night, as always. This time, they hummedย Ring of Fire.
























