He almost walked past the park bench that morning. Another day, another half-forgotten hour drifting into the pile of others. Life, he thought, had been nothing special. Sixty years gone, and what was left? A handful of photographs, some worn-out stories, and too many missed chances.
Something pulled him down onto the bench. An older gentleman sat next to him. The man’s eyes seemed to know something he didn’t. They exchanged the small talk of strangers until the conversation wandered toward time itself.
“You say sixty years is nothing?”
The old man asked with a quiet smile.
“Let’s count it differently.”
He leaned back, gaze fixed on the trees swaying above them.
“In your life, the Earth has spun on its axis more than 21,900 times. That’s 21,900 sunrises and sunsets — not one of them the same. You’ve lived through over 525,000 hours. Do you realize how many conversations, choices, and quiet moments fit into that span? More than 31 million minutes. More than 1.8 billion seconds. And each one a chance to live, to change, to love.”
The man swallowed. He had never thought of it like that. He had always measured himself by birthdays, promotions missed, or years lost to routine. But suddenly his life didn’t seem so small. Each second, he realized, was a story. Every minute, a chance to change one.
“And here’s the wonder,”
the older man continued.
“Every one of those seconds kept you alive. Your heart beat. Your lungs pulled in air. The Earth carried you through another rotation of light and shadow. You’ve orbited the Sun sixty times, son. That’s not nothing. That’s a journey.”
They sat in silence after that. The bench creaked beneath them. The leaves whispered. And for the first time in a long time, he felt his life wasn’t slipping away. Instead, it was unfolding — second by second, minute by minute. It unfolded in ways he had never stopped to count.
As he stood to leave, the old man gave him a final thought:
“Don’t measure your worth in years, or even decades. Measure it in seconds well-lived. Those, my friend, are endless if you pay attention.”
My mother will turn 95 this August—if she makes it that far. Of the six siblings, only my youngest sister and I have cared for her in her old age. Two of the others gradually drifted away after our father passed. They chose, for their own reasons, to cut contact year by year. The two oldest brothers have both died in recent years.
My mother has always had a sharp mind and a strong, toned body. She was constantly on the move, always busy. Even into her 90s, she remained active and mentally alert. But over the past year, she’s started to slip. She now experiences episodes of sundowning. During these moments, she loses track of what she’s saying. She also becomes unaware of where she is or where she’s been.
She now lives far away from me. Our once hour-long phone conversations, filled with talk of daily life, have been reduced to five minutes or less. Her thoughts drift. She forgets what we’re discussing, where she is, or even who she’s speaking with.
The next is a piece shared with me by KJ Stafford, titled “Cleaning Nana’s House.” It resonated deeply. My sisters and I cleaned the house we’d all grown up in. This was before my mother moved in with me for several years. She later moved in with my sister, where she now lives. Stafford’s words capture an experience I believe many can relate to, and with her blessing, I’m sharing it here.
CLEANING NANA’S HOUSE
BY: KJ Stafford
In January of 2024 we moved my Nana into my parents house. Her health was failing, and so was her mind. She was no longer able to live alone anymore and she hated that fact. The woman had been independent her entire life. And now at 90 years old she was forced to be cared for. She could no longer take care of herself. I remember the thought hurting my heart.
Fast forward to February 2025, I held her hand hours before she passed. I had never experienced death in that way before. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dealt with death- both grandpa’s, aunts, uncles… but this was different. It had never been so in my face the way this was. I had never been physically there, witnessing the deterioration every day, every hour. I had never actually watched death slowly take someone. They are memories that will be buried inside my brain until death comes for me. Descriptions that will never make it down on paper ––
April 25th 2025: We piled in our cars, drove the 7 hours to my Nana’s house and began the task of clearing out our memories to make room for someone else’s. My Nana had lived in that house for over 50 years. My mom grew up there. My siblings and I spent weeks there during the summer and until 2024 every Thanksgiving of my life was spent in that tiny dining room around the round, antique wood table. The kitchen looks as if it got stuck in the 70’s. Yellow countertops remind me of sunflowers. The floor is tiled and worn from years of cooking. Years of family gatherings. Years of love. There’s the iconic green couch that sits in the living room…or sat- now it will be given to another family. Moved into a different living room after sitting comfortably in it’s corner for all of these years.
We found love letters from my Grampy to my Nana, boxes of old black and white photographs, ancient toys, jewelry, coats that have somehow found their way back in style, antique glass and trinkets galore. Each find triggering a specific memory. Each find making me wish I could go back 15 years ago. When I was just coming up for the week to visit. Instead of it being the last time within these cozy walls.
My Nana was by far the strongest woman I’ve ever met. She grew up in Canada, abandoned by her mother before she was 8 years old, left with an alcoholic for a father who was never around. She spent Canadian winters in their small, wooden shack often times by herself. Venturing out into the thick snow every so often to find more logs for the fire- the only thing keeping her warm enough to survive. Scavenging for scraps of food. Eventually being passed on and off to relatives, never having a home to call her own. Never truly feeling loved by a family….
Upon finally coming to America, she met her first husband. She married him when she was only 17 and had three children by the time she was 27. He was a drunk. He was a cheater. She deserved better. One night he got back a little too late, my Nana kicked him out. Divorced his ass. She was the talk of the town. It was unheard of at that time. What woman with three young children abandons her husband? A STRONG one, that’s who.
She set goals for herself. She knew she wanted to work at the University. She knew that is where she would meet someone else. And she DID. She worked hard until she got hired. And shortly after, she met my Grampy. The sweetest man to ever walk this earth. Years later they had my Mom. Without my Nana’s strength. Without her knowing her self-worth, I would have never existed. Had she not followed her intuition. Had she not trusted her gut, there would be no me. No family. And for that, I am forever grateful.
I like to think she gave me a little of that strength. I feel it within myself sometimes. It’s why I took Stafford as my pen name. I am so honored. Honored that I was able to grow up with her in my life. Thankful that I had her to teach me how to become a strong woman. I vow to live my life as my Nana did. Never accepting less than I deserve and never being afraid to put myself out there, take a risk, trust my gut and grow.
In the quiet corners of her home, Sarah sat her mind adrift in a sea of conflicting emotions. Her mother, once vibrant and robust, now frail and in need of constant care, sat in the living room, a mere shadow of her former self. It had been a long and arduous journey, filled with sleepless nights and endless worry. But now, Sarah faced the most challenging decision of all – the decision to place her mother in a nursing home.
“Mom, I need to talk to you about something important!”
“What is it Dear” Her Mother Asked?
The idea had lingered in Sarah’s mind for months, whispered in hushed tones by concerned family members and well-meaning friends. Each time, she pushed it away, unwilling to confront the reality of the situwation. But as her mother’s needs grew more demanding, Sarah knew she could no longer ignore the inevitable.
With a heavy heart, Sarah approached her mother, her hands trembling with uncertainty. “Mom,” she began softly, “I need to talk to you about something important.”
Her mother looked up, her eyes clouded with confusion. “What is it, dear?” she asked, her voice tinged with worry.
Taking a deep breath, Sarah explained the situation as gently as possible. She spoke of the challenges they faced and the toll it was taking on them. She spoke of the nursing home – a place where her mother could receive the round-the-clock care she needed, where she would be safe and well looked after.
Her mother listened quietly, her expression unreadable. When Sarah finished, there was a long silence, broken only by the clock ticking on the wall.
Finally, her mother spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “I understand, dear,” she said, her words heavy with resignation. “I know you’re doing what’s best for me.”
Tears welled up in Sarah’s eyes as she embraced her mother tightly. “I love you, Mom,” she whispered, her voice choked with emotion.
“I love you too, dear,” her mother replied, returning the embrace with feeble arms.
In the following days, Sarah worked tirelessly to find the perfect nursing home for her mother. She visited countless facilities, asking questions, taking notes, and carefully weighing her options. When she finally found the right one—a place that felt warm and inviting, with caring staff and a peaceful atmosphere—she knew she had made the right choice.
On the day of the move, Sarah held her mother’s hand tightly as they walked through the doors of the nursing home together. There were tears and moments of doubt, but through it all, Sarah remained steadfast in her decision.
As she watched her mother settle into her new surroundings, Sarah felt a sense of relief wash over her. It wasn’t an easy decision, nor one she had ever imagined having to make, but in the end, it was the right one – for both her and her mother.
And as she kissed her mother goodbye, promising to visit often and never forget her, Sarah knew that, even though their journey had taken an unexpected turn, they would face it together, with love and understanding guiding their way.
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