benandsteve.com

While sedated during surgery, Mark, who has a yearning desire to be proud member of the LGBTQI+ Community, started drifting slowly to sleep as he counted backward from 100. Mark could remember getting to 92 before the lights went out. Finally, Mark thought he could get finally rest. But relaxing wasn’t in store for Mark. He had a propensity to get upset over the most minor things, and this time, when he discovered that he was only dreaming and had to go to work where coworkers would look at him with stares and give verbal undertones of name-calling, he knew some of them. I have to go hear these slurs and think about what they are saying about me.

Mark blurted out, “I wished to the Gods, Heavens, and Earth that I had never been born – it’s not fair to always suffer being someone you didn’t ask to be! A member of the LGBTQI+ Community, huh? I don’t know if I am all that big of a member, the way I have to hide who I am from my family!” His voice trembled with a mix of anger and sadness, the weight of his secret becoming unbearable.

It was the beginning of Spring, and it so happened. Mark was Irish and had some luck in his corner; the powers of Gods, Heavens, and Earth joined together to help Mark never be born, something that they had arranged before to help people who had momentarily lost their way.

Mark was rushing around when he heard a knock at the door. He stopped, wondering who it could be. No one ever came to visit. Mark thought it could be a family member but then ruled that out; not a single person from his family ever asked where Mark lived, so how could they find him?

The knock came again; it couldn’t be someone he knew from town; he never brought anyone back to his place for any reason. There was no reason for someone to knock on his door. So he slowly eased up to the door and looked out of the peephole but didn’t see anyone. As he was looking – a swift KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK, it happened again! Which scared Mark nearly to death. His heart raced, his palms grew sweaty, and a knot formed in his stomach.

Who the hell could be out there? He swung the door open and in walked a little person. The person was no taller than Mark’s waist, with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and a knowing smile on his face.

“Hi Ya Mark”

He said,

“My name is Charley, and I am here to talk about your never being born,”

he said, his voice calm and reassuring.

Mark’s mouth dropped open, and they stood in shock, not sure what to say. Other than to say ––

Did someone put you up to this?

Charley told him no one had put him up to anything and that he was there to show him the world without Mark. Mark blinked, still trying to process the bizarre situation unfolding before him. The small man named Charley stood confidently in the doorway, his eyes twinkling with a strange, knowing light.

“I must be dreaming,”

Mark muttered to himself, shaking his head.

“You’re not,”

Charley replied, stepping into the room.

“Close the door, Mark. We’ve got a lot to cover and not much time.”

Reluctantly, Mark shut the door, curiosity and fear mingling in his chest. He gestured for Charley to sit, and they both settled into the living room.

“Alright, Charley,”

Mark said, crossing his arms.

“Explain this whole ‘never being born’ thing.”

Charley nodded.

“Mark, you’ve been carrying a heavy burden for a long time. Feeling out of place, misunderstood, and unloved can make anyone wish they were never born. But before you decide that the world would be better off without you, let me show you what that world would look like.”

With a wave of his hand, Charley transformed the living room. The walls melted away, revealing a bustling small town square. The air was crisp, and the sound of children’s laughter filled the air. It was a place Mark recognized from his childhood, but it felt different—stranger, colder.

“Where are we?”

Mark asked, looking around.

“This is your hometown,”

Charley said.

“But it’s a version of it where you never existed.”

Mark noticed familiar faces among the crowd, but something was off. His childhood friends seemed distant, their laughter forced and hollow. He saw his parents, too, looking worn and weary, more so than he remembered.

“Why do they look so sad?”

Mark asked, a lump forming in his throat.

“Your presence, Mark, even if you didn’t realize it, brought light to many lives,”

Charley explained.

“Your compassion, your laughter, and even your struggles inspired others more than you know.”

They moved through the scenes of his life, showing how his absence left voids in the lives of those he knew. His best friend from school, who had confided in Mark during a dark time, now seemed lost and without support. His sister, who had looked up to him, now wandered aimlessly, lacking the guidance and love he had provided. The scenes were filled with a sense of emptiness, a stark contrast to the vibrant memories Mark had of these moments.

“I had no idea,”

Mark whispered, tears welling up in his eyes.

Charley nodded sympathetically.

“You may feel small, Mark, but the impact of your life is profound. Every kind word, every act of defiance against prejudice, every moment of being true to yourself ripples outwards.”

The scene changed again, this time to Mark’s workplace. He saw his coworkers, the ones who had often looked at him with disdain or made cruel remarks. However, without Mark’s quiet courage, the workplace culture would have become even more toxic. There was no one to challenge the status quo, no one to show strength in the face of bigotry.

“People can be cruel,”

Charley said,

“but your bravery gives others the courage to be better.”

Mark watched as the scenes shifted faster now, showing countless small moments where his existence had made a difference. A neighbor he had helped in passing, a stranger he had smiled at, a community event he had organized—all these moments seemed insignificant at the time, but together they painted a picture of a life well-lived.

Finally, they returned to Mark’s living room. He sat down, overwhelmed by the journey they had taken.

“I never realized,”

Mark said quietly, his voice filled with a mix of regret and understanding, as he looked at Charley.

“I thought I was just… there.”

His words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his newfound self-awareness.

“You are much more than just there, Mark,”

Charley replied, his voice filled with warmth and encouragement.

“You are a vital part of the world, and your presence is a gift.”

Mark’s face softened, a glimmer of self-acceptance and understanding shining in his eyes.

As Charley spoke, Mark felt a warmth spread through him, a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in a long time. The weight of his struggles seemed a bit lighter, the pain of rejection a bit duller.

“So, what happens now?”

Mark asked.

Charley smiled.

“Now, you wake up. And remember, Mark, the world needs you just as you are.”

With that, the room began to blur, and Mark felt himself being pulled back to consciousness. He awoke in the hospital recovery room, the beeping of machines and the murmurs of nurses around him. He felt different—changed.

As he recovered and returned to his daily life, Mark carried the memories of his journey with Charley. He faced his challenges with renewed strength, knowing that his existence mattered deeply. He began to advocate more fiercely for himself and others, finding allies and building a community where acceptance thrived.

Mark found peace within himself, realizing that his identity was not a curse but a gift. He embraced his life fully, knowing that being true to himself was the greatest impact he could have on the world.

And so, Mark came full circle, from despair to understanding, from wishing to never exist to cherishing every moment. He lived his life with purpose, knowing that he was exactly where he was meant to be.