© Benjamin H. Groff II — Truth Endures / benandsteve.com
June 8,2026
What many LGBTQ+ people say about discovering who they are.
In some small town, somewhere in America, a young teenager is struggling to understand who they are.
They have begun to realize they don’t quite fit in with their classmates. Somewhere between elementary school and junior high, something changed—or perhaps something that had always been there finally became impossible to ignore.
No one taught them this. No one recruited them. No one sat them down and instructed them to feel differently.
“People may choose what they do. They may choose what they say. They may choose whom they tell. But many would argue they never chose whom they were attracted to. They simply discovered who they were.”
They simply do.
For as long as they can remember, they felt different from many of the people around them. They couldn’t explain it. They didn’t have the words for it. But as they grew older, they found themselves admiring classmates, friends, or even television stars of the same sex rather than the opposite sex.
They don’t understand why.
Most spend years trying to understand themselves before anyone else ever discovers their secret. Many pray. Many bargain with God. Many try to ignore their feelings. Some throw themselves into sports, church, relationships, or anything else they hope will make those feelings disappear.
Yet for countless people, the feelings remain.
That is why attempts to force someone to change through shame, punishment, or so-called “conversion therapies” have been so controversial. For many LGBTQ+ people, these approaches are not introducing a struggle they have never faced. They are intensifying a struggle they have already been fighting alone.
And when a young person receives the message that the people they love most would rather change them than understand them, the consequences can be devastating.
One of the most persistent myths is the idea that there is an organized effort to “recruit” people into being gay. The claim ignores a simple question:
When did you decide to be straight?
Most heterosexual people cannot point to a day, an hour, or a moment when they consciously chose who they were attracted to. They simply discovered it as they grew up.
Many gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people describe their experiences in much the same way.
People can certainly choose how they live, how they express themselves, and what relationships they pursue. But attraction itself is often described as something discovered rather than selected.
COMING OUT UNDER FIRE A WORLD WAR II STORY
There are, of course, individuals who describe themselves as “gay for pay”—people who engage in same-sex activity for financial reasons rather than because of their personal orientation. That is a different discussion entirely. Behavior and attraction are not always the same thing.
The larger question remains:
If people are being recruited into being gay, where is the moment of recruitment?
When did you choose who you were attracted to?
For most people, the answer is the same.
You didn't.
© Benjamin H. Groff II — Truth Endures / benandsteve.com
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